guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
