Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
