I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
