I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
