I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
whose parrot is this?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
