Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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