do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
