i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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