just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
