just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
