Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
