jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
