I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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