Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
