are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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