in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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