Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
