he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
