soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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