i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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