i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
