Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
