Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
