think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
