I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
