drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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