Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
