you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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