I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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