Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
