Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
