She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
