Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
