I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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