dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
