I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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