so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
