Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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