Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
