Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
