Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I look better un-naked...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
