There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
