im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
