I wanna passion pit in your ass
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
