i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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