Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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