cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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