Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
