so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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