i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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