I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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