every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
