he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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