the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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