right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
