Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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