I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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