this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
why is half of my head shaved?
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