For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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