sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
