I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
