i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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