wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
