a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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