You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
