awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
