i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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