My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize