I molested 6 butterflies tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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