my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
false alarm. still invincible.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
