Your tits are I can't wait for
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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