But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Success! We fucked roommates!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
