First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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